Book Review: Ghosts by Dolly Alderton

RACHEL SOO THOW - 9 AUG 2021

Nina Dean has just turned 32. She is single, moderately successful and she thinks online dating could be the next thing to try - she signs up for it and she doesn’t expect much, I mean, who would right? We’re not asking for Mr Right Now, it’s Mr Future we’re after. Enter Max. Max who tells her he will marry her on their first date. Max who seems to sweep her off her feet. We all know a Max and let’s be honest, some of these Max’s are an ex for a reason. More on this later.  

I think I related to this novel so well in some parts since I too am in my thirties, and reading about this from the viewpoint of a woman similar to my age gave me a valuable insight into women navigating the minefield of online dating, albeit in a fictionalised humorous form. The internal conversations are sharp-eyed and comical and very reminiscent of Alderton’s conversations on her The High Low podcast- if you haven’t listened to this already, it’s raw, punchy, and hilarious.

“I’d noticed this was a thing that people did when they got into their thirties: they saw every personal decision you made as a direct judgment on their life… she combed Reddit threads for her name because she was convinced there was a ‘rumour’ about her online that was rapidly mutating without her knowledge and was putting men off… I was reminded that she also was long convinced she would die by ‘assassination’ and I didn’t have the heart to tell her only famous people get assassinated. Normal people just get shot in the open.”

As Nina is guided through the unwritten rules of swiping, stalking, responding to messages and reading between the lines through her non-apologetic friend Lola, the layers of weariness start to arise and a woman with power and strength is born. Amid these recognisable tropes of your thirties, the social commentary is often showcased in satirical set pieces where, occasionally, slightly laboured jokes undermine the overall comic force. Look, I was after a light-hearted read and this nailed it. The depiction of meeting up with a date in a bar is priceless - “I hated lateness. Being late is a selfish habit adopted by boring people in search of a personality quirk who can’t be bothered to take up an instrument”, and that of a hen’s do dominated by a passive-aggressive maid of honour is sharply executed. Alderton has done a beautiful job in not only providing a modern take on (not) finding love but finding comfort in who you are whilst doing so and ensuring that the people who surround you are really the ones you really love, romantically or not.

In her 32nd year, Nina’s life becomes way more complicated. Her father, a retired teacher, begins to display signs of dementia. Their relationship is hauntingly beautiful as she struggles to care for her father whilst also relishing in memories and the suffocation of that motherly love we’re all too familiar with as the years pass.

Max. Initially portrayed as a deliciously-drawn confection and blessed with captivating “moss green eyes”, he looks “good in a chunky roll neck” and can rattle off one-liners with as much adroitness as Nina. However, his actions prove otherwise and there’s no other way of putting it: he’s an outright dick. What’s a ‘rom-com’ novel without frustration, puppy love and sex?

“The sexiest, most exciting, romantic, explosive feeling in the world is a matter of a few centimetres of skin being stroked for the first time in a public place. The first confirmation of desire. The first indication of intimacy. You only get that feeling with a person once.”

It’s not my usual genre of choice but it was a delightful and warm read - as we navigate the many stages of life, we are faced with a new set of challenges, none of which come with a guidebook. What is up for discussion is not only my own evolving view of what the self might be, but the global question of ‘what we are’ is tortuous and calls upon a kind of philosophical orientation. We are called to loosen the categories, juggle the frames and be free enough to question even those ideas one has held most dear.

Most of what we are is unconscious. Spontaneous. Seductive. Doubtful. This unconscious reality has never seemed singular to me, but a murmuring multitude of emotions. Losing sight of our values and perspectives is the norm - an intellectual virtue that requires mourning, evaluation, confusion, and re-orientation. Unless one believes in a supreme view, the ultimate view, we cannot find a perfect objective image of things (relationships) as they are - we can only be guided by the unfamiliar and ultimately, we’re all bloody winging it really.

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